Do I try hard enough?

I'm sure there are a lot of us that struggle with whether we trying hard enough in our life as a Christian. Almost everyday, I wonder if I did this or that good enough, or if I tried hard enough in a certain aspect of a situation. I've been a believer since the beginning of 2007, and I still have so many things that I struggle with each day.

Every day I struggle with my mouth, and making sure that the things that come out of it are glorifying to God. When I get frustrated, I tend to not glorify God. It stinks, I hate it. After I speak words that are not pleasing to God, I profusely apologize and ask for forgiveness. Not just from Him, but from my children as well. If they hear those displeasing words, they could repeat them. Each time, I have to say "Mommy is so sorry for saying a bad word. It's not okay that mommy talks like that. It doesn't make God happy when we speak with those words. We have to remember to be pleasing to God. Can you forgive mommy for talking in a way that isn't pleasing to God, and isn't pleasing to you?" This is a daily struggle for me.

Proverbs 3:5
I don't read the Bible. {that hurts to admit} It's not that I don't want to read the Bible, it's that reading it is so exhausting for me. I love reading psalms and proverbs, but most any other passages, I can't bring myself to read through. I try. I really do. I just can't get through them. I need to be pushed through it if I want to ever read the whole Bible, and I want to. I just need some super good encouragement, and someone to do it alongside me. I wish I was more knowledgeable about Biblical things. It's one of my goals. I'd love to be able to have a conversation with someone about something and give reference to a verse that goes along with what we're talking about. That would be really exciting for me. I'd love to be able to teach my children so many different verses to remember. They would love that. I just can't. I need help.

Over the last few years, I've pretty much just walked through my Christian life. I go to church, I listen to (and love) the sermons, I think I'm going to apply them to my life - and I don't. I go home and go back to life. I know that there are a lot of Christians that are like that. I don't want to be like that - I want to live a Godly life. I want to go to church and really take what my pastor says, take it home and relish in it - live it!

I pray. It's not often, or at least, it wasn't often until recently. I mean, I've gone through my phases where I write out a prayer list every day/week, and I pray them - but I really haven't been a big prayer person. That's probably the thing I love doing most, but just get caught up with life and forget to do it, or say I'll do it later and never do. Lately, I've been praying constantly. I pray throughout the day while I'm doing things, I pray in the car when Daddy is driving and I'm just sitting there looking at the beautiful sky and thinking how it's one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen, and I pray before I sleep (most of the time, sometimes I fall asleep during it, eek!).

This is brutal. It's my confession, and it is really sad to see all of it in writing. Not only did I type it out, I'm sharing it with the world. So now, all of you know how much of a fraud I am. No, I'm not a fraud, I'm just not good at it. I want to be. So, if you're reading this, pray for me. Encourage me. Come alongside me in this journey to be a better Christian.

As a Christian, what's your biggest struggle? 

1 comment:

  1. Whitney,
    Thank you for being so transparent. You seem to have such a teachable heart, and that is just what the Lord can use! How about some practical advice?
    1. Begin in Matthew Chapter 1, and just read. Set your alarm clock for earlier than normal, about 30 minutes, get a cup of coffee or whatever your morning drink is and a notebook, a pen, and your Bible. And just start. Set a timer for 30 minutes. As you come to the end of each chapter, write down one lesson learned or one interesting fact, or one verse that speaks to you, etc. Just one thing. And then read the next chapter. When the 30 minute is up. Stop. The next day, pick up where you were. Before you know it, if you are consistent, you will have finished Matthew. Then read Mark, and so on until you complete the entire New Testament. You can also jot down any questions you may have while reading.

    2. Pick a simple verse for you and your children to memorize. Write or type it on a large piece of paper and tape it up near your kitchen table. Say it five times before you eat each day. At the end of the week, you will knpw the verse. Then tape up a new verse. Continue to practice the older verses too. You might want to a google search on Bible Memory Box to see how to organize and review all of the verses you learn.

    3. Choose a time to pray each day. Like when folding clothes or unloading the dishwasher. Just start there.

    I have more ideas, but I am still medicated from my surgery.....I am getting too sleepy to type! :)
    Blessings to you!